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Tue Nov 02, 2021 -- A Revamped State Fair Is Coming To Texas
Tue Nov 02, 2021 -- Ava, 5, Reports She Wants to Be “Depressed Yet Functional” When She Grows Up
Tue Nov 02, 2021 -- For Just $100 a Day You Can Sponsor a Billionaire
Tue Nov 02, 2021 -- How Bad Have Things Gotten? Liberals Claim Ellen Is Gay Now
Tue Nov 02, 2021 -- Is It Easier To Imagine The End of the World, The End of Capitalism, or the Cast of Baywatch in Sexy Situations?
Tue Nov 02, 2021 -- Lost Chapter of Manifesto Emerges Debunking Theory That Being Good Person Is Emotional Labor
Tue Nov 02, 2021 -- Op-Ed: Freak the Freedom Flu, It’s Liberty Lupus Time, by Pauly “The Weasel” Shore
Tue Nov 02, 2021 -- Stay In Line!
Tue Nov 02, 2021 -- Stop Politicizing Politics
Tue Nov 02, 2021 -- The Among Us Pez Dispenser I Purchased for My Terrifying Son Toffete Has Shipped Later Than Expected. Our Supply Chain Is in Tatters
Tue Nov 02, 2021 -- You NEED to Watch This Show
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- 5 Tips to Forget Your Therapist Is Just a Cog in a Capitalist Hellscape
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- CSPAN Horror Show Saturday
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- Cuomo Discovered Attempting to Form Shadow Government from Basement of Madison Square Eataly
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- Ghost of Halloween Present
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- Havana Syndrome Chasers
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- How to Introduce Abolitionist Politics to the Bedroom, Because You’ve Been a Bad Girl and You Need to Be Reintegrated Into Your Community Through Restorative Justice
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- Joke’s on You: I Was Bullied for Having Gigantic Hands, Now I’m a Millionaire Who Treats His Employees Really Badly
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- Last House on the Left
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- Late-Stage Capitalism Halloween Costume Generator
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- On This Indigenous Peoples’ Day, We Remember the Caricatures Our Kindergarten Teachers Taught Us
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- Success! Democrats Finally Have the Votes to Give Americans a Tax Credit for a Digital Download of Sorority Boys
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- Sure I’m a QAnon Enthusiast, but I’m Trying to Put Myself in the Satan-Worshipping Child-Sex Predators’ Shoes
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- The New York Times Backs Yet Another Endless War (to Kill These Bugs)
Tue Oct 05, 2021 -- Your Drone Strike Killed Innocent Afghan Civilians? Don’t Worry! It’s No Biggie!
Tue Sep 07, 2021 -- ‘I’m Still With Her?’ Man, You Gotta Leave Hillary ALONE!
Tue Sep 07, 2021 -- As the Planet Burns, One Man Finds Solace in a New Hobby: Perfecting Homemade McDonald’s
Tue Sep 07, 2021 -- Checkin’ in With Wendy Williams: A Paid Partnership with My Pillow™
Tue Sep 07, 2021 -- Diversity Loss! Asian Grandmother Tired of Being Included in Your Poetry
Tue Sep 07, 2021 -- How to Talk to Your Son About Mansplaining in a Place Where Your Wife Won’t Point Out That You Do It, Too
Tue Sep 07, 2021 -- How to Transfer Your Starbucks Points to an Afghan Woman in Need
Tue Sep 07, 2021 -- It’s [Insert Date] and COVID is Surging Again. Here Is What You Need to Know.
Tue Sep 07, 2021 -- Neoliberal Fascists Ruthlessly Critiqued by Bo Burnham Thrilled to Award Him Little Gold Statuette
Tue Sep 07, 2021 -- Op-Ed: I’m a Taliban Soldier. What The Taliban Needs Is A Strong Moderate Like Me.
Tue Sep 07, 2021 -- Psaki Clarifies that ‘This Administration Believes In Science’ Only Applies To The Fact That You Can Power a Clock With a Potato
Tue Sep 07, 2021 -- Thank You Disney for Finally Introducing Non-Binary Characters Who Form a Cishet Relationship! It’s Very Relatable!
Tue Jun 29, 2021 -- ‘Believe in Science’ Crowd Shocked to Discover Capitalism’s History of Weaponizing It
Tue Jun 29, 2021 -- #VicePresidentNoob: Biden Sends Kamala Into the E3 Trenches
Tue Jun 29, 2021 -- A Tribute to the Quarantine Pieces We Didn’t Write
Tue Jun 29, 2021 -- I Am the Bo Burnham of Northeastern Pennsylvania
Tue Jun 29, 2021 -- I Guess I Need to Explain My Recent Political Cartoon
Tue Jun 29, 2021 -- Inspiring: How One Man Broke Into the Film Industry While Trapped Under a Horse
Tue Jun 29, 2021 -- Just Heard About the Holocaust :( by Marjorie Taylor Greene
Tue Jun 29, 2021 -- Nice Hustle: A Gym Teacher’s Impassioned Defense of Critical Race Theory
Tue Jun 29, 2021 -- One Man Solves Climate Change With Brilliant Solution: Drink the Ocean
Tue Jun 29, 2021 -- Space Travel, Shmace Travel: Billionaires Really Get their Kicks from These New Versions of Classic Game Shows
Tue Jun 29, 2021 -- You Are Patriotically Invited to Christian’s (FKA Doug’s) Fourth of July BBQ
Tue Jun 15, 2021 -- Functionally Dead Presents Some Lesser Known Senate Parliamentarian Rules
Tue Jun 15, 2021 -- 7 Elevator Pitches for Minor Disney Villain Spinoffs
Tue Jun 15, 2021 -- Ask the Functionally Dead Teen Team*! How Do I Get a Guy to Notice Me?
Tue Jun 15, 2021 -- Dungeons and Democrats: A Media Pundit Character Sheet
Tue Jun 15, 2021 -- Impressive! This Six Trillion Dollar Budget Doesn’t Include Medicine
Tue Jun 15, 2021 -- The Crazy Adventures of Side Hustle Simon!
Tue Jun 15, 2021 -- Things White People Can Still Like
Tue Jun 15, 2021 -- ViHo: Virtual Reality Housing For The Unhoused
Tue Jun 15, 2021 -- What We Need Is More Kink At St. Patrick’s Day
Tue Jun 15, 2021 -- What Would Karl Marx Think of Gen Z’s Affinity Towards Socialism? We Ask the IBM-Powered Marx Hologram
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- A Tour of the New, Publicly-Funded “L’il Liberals” Child Care Center
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- AmaZen: How to Mindfully Shit Into a Diaper
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- Billionaire-Statement-to-Downplay-Connection-to-Jeffrey-Epstein Generator
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- Corporate Ads
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- Dear Aliens: Please Save Us or GTFO
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- FD Exclusive: Biden/Netanyahu Texts Leak
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- How to Pretend You’re White in Front of Your White Boyfriend’s Parents
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- Huh! This Woman “Both-Sided” Herself Into a Major Media Job
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- I Strangled Your Child With My Bare Hands, but It’s Complicated
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Acquitted After Revealing the Target of 9/11 Was a Hamas Hot Dog Vendor in the Basement of the World Trade Center
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- Melinda Gates: Googling Bill Gates Was The Last Straw
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- The DNC Presents Lib Pride: Safe Spaces in High Places
Tue Jun 01, 2021 -- Voices from our Queermunity™ Presented by Citibank: Cops at Pride
Tue May 18, 2021 -- Andrew Yang’s First 100 Days
Tue May 18, 2021 -- Cool! Andrew Yang Promises to Ollie Through Ring of Fire on Coney Island, Experts: He Will Explode
Tue May 18, 2021 -- Dear Yang Gang: Do We Need to Worry About This Morales Gal?
Tue May 18, 2021 -- I, Derek Jeter, Endorse Andrew Yang
Tue May 18, 2021 -- PBA President, Pat Lynch: I Like Yang for Mayor, Because I Know I Can Bully Him into Doing My Bidding
Tue May 18, 2021 -- The Intersection of Tech-Town & Hell: Andrew Yang’s Proposed Street Name Dedications
Tue May 18, 2021 -- The Yang Gang Continues to Grow!
Tue May 18, 2021 -- The Z Train: A Brand New Way to Go Up and Down In NYC
Tue May 18, 2021 -- We Can Game Ranked Choice by Not Ranking Yang to Victory
Tue May 18, 2021 -- What’s In My Messenger Bag? Andrew Yang Edition
Tue May 18, 2021 -- Who Said It: Andrew Yang or Our Dumb Friend Gerg While He Was High?
Tue May 18, 2021 -- Wow! Andrew Yang Found a Mood Ring
Tue May 18, 2021 -- Yang Cop Surf
Tue May 18, 2021 -- Yang’s 5-Point Plan to Make Ebaumsworld Great Again
Tue May 04, 2021 -- ANTIFA Frog
Tue May 04, 2021 -- Beware, The Unhoused Menace!
Tue May 04, 2021 -- Centrist Slogan Generator
Tue May 04, 2021 -- Climate Scientists Warn White Boy Summer Could Last Until White Boy Winter
Tue May 04, 2021 -- EXCLUSIVE: We’ve Obtained the Poem That Got Hunter Biden Into Yale
Tue May 04, 2021 -- How to Choke on Potato Salad and Die While Your Aunt is Defending the Police
Tue May 04, 2021 -- I Would Like to Apologize for My Past Behavior (by Duke Nukem)
Tue May 04, 2021 -- I’ve Decided to Add Unemployment to My Resume… …and It’s Actually Been Really Good for Me!
Tue May 04, 2021 -- LandlordFellas: The Real Life Story of My Real Life As A Real Life Landlord
Tue May 04, 2021 -- May 2021 ANTIFA Member of the Month
Tue May 04, 2021 -- Menthol Ban
Tue May 04, 2021 -- Psaki: Can We Move Past Not Talking About Children in Cages So We Can Spend Time Not Addressing Climate Change?
Tue May 04, 2021 -- Yang: My DOE Will Teach All NYC Children a Solid Magic: the Gathering Draft Strategy by Age Seven
Mon May 03, 2021 -- A Better World: A May Day Mixtape
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- 5 Sex Moves That Say, This Was a Pandemic Fling Only
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- Brave: DuPont Vows to Stop Dumping Chemicals in Georgia in Protest of New Election Laws
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- Ladies, This Earth Day, Shop Your Way To Environmental Activism
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- Major Biden Back from Training with a Bold New Look!
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- Matt Gaetz Caught Fucking Cicadas as They Emerge to Complete Their 17 Year Life Cycle
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- Oops, This Devil’s Advocate on Twitter Couldn’t Fit His Whole Frothing Mad Op-Ed in the Tweet!
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- The Biggest Winner in Biden’s Infrastructure Plan? Ball-in-Cup Manufacturers
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- The Politics-to-Podcast Pipeline: How Innocent Centrists Are Being Recruited by Content Creators
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- This GirlBoss Proves Lady Cops Can Kill Black Men, Too!
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- Tinder Man
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- Uh Oh! Your Tinder Date Just Dismissed The Labor Theory Of Value Before You Even Ordered Drinks!
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- Uncle Self-Publishes Memoir About Being a Horny Catholic Middle School Student as an NFT
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- We Asked These Self-Identified Democrats Why They’re Suddenly OK with Space Force
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- What Mitch Meant!
Tue Apr 20, 2021 -- Why I’m Excited About Legal Weed
Tue Apr 06, 2021 -- BALLER: Iowa Man Spends Entire Stimulus Check on One Dental Appointment
Tue Apr 06, 2021 -- Bill Gates: The Person You Can Most Trust to Solve Climate Change Is Me, the Man Behind Internet Explorder
Tue Apr 06, 2021 -- Death of the Author? Local Conservative Discovers Posting Racist Memes Doesn’t Qualify as Satire
Tue Apr 06, 2021 -- I Was a Disney Adult Before Star Wars and Marvel Made It Less Creepy
Tue Apr 06, 2021 -- I’m A Robot Married To A Witch. WandaVision Made Me & My Trauma Feel Seen.
Tue Apr 06, 2021 -- NY Gov. Cuomo Accepts Emmy Award in the Category ‘Outstanding Deflection of a Nursing Home Scandal by Being a Horny Freak – Limited Series’
Tue Apr 06, 2021 -- We Sat Down With This Active Shooter to Get His Take on Gun Control
Tue Apr 06, 2021 -- What’s So Funny About Kids in Cages, Kamala? Ask a Comedian!
Tue Apr 06, 2021 -- Woman Can’t Believe She Used to Leave the House While Menstruating
Tue Mar 30, 2021 -- My Personality Is My Boyfriend Is An Essential Worker
Thu Mar 11, 2021 -- Latest Coronavirus Relief Package Mostly Gift Cards

Vol X Issue 1 - 12/11/23 · back issues · submissions · mailing list / social media · home

a steaming mug of expired beans.